In this blog, Martin Hand, Staff Wellbeing Manager, shares his experience of recently joining an Andys Man Club group meeting on campus and reflects on how a simple conversation and a welcoming environment can make a real difference.
This Men’s Mental Health Month (November), we’re focusing on the importance of creating spaces where men feel comfortable talking.
Andys Man Club provides space for men to speak openly about their experiences - whether you are going through a difficult time, have been through one, feel something might be building up, or simply want to meet others and make time for a conversation,
We have a group that meets on campus every Monday, 7.00pm-9.00pm in Dennis Sciama. Everyone over 18 is welcome. Students, staff and members of the public from all backgrounds and walks of life. It’s free and there’s no need to book in advance.
To find details of the group and other locations across the city and local area, visit the Andys Man Club website.
Martin’s experience
November is a time when campaigns such as Movember and Men’s Health Awareness Month encourage us to talk more openly about men’s health, including mental health and suicide prevention.
While these campaigns help to bring the subject into the spotlight, the importance of talking, checking in with one another and knowing where to find support extends well beyond a single month.
For many men, talking about how they are feeling does not always come easily. There can be pressure to keep things to yourself, carry on regardless or feel that your problems are not serious enough to share. Sometimes, even knowing where to start can be a barrier.
This November, I wanted to highlight an organisation that is helping to change that, one conversation at a time: Andys Man Club.
A simple idea with a powerful impact
Andys Man Club was established by Elaine Roberts and Luke Ambler following the death of Elaine’s son, Andrew Roberts, who died by suicide aged 23 in 2016. Wanting to prevent other families from experiencing a similar loss, they created a space where men could come together for a brew and a chat, without judgement or pressure.
What began with just nine men in Halifax has grown into a nationwide network of more than 350 groups, with thousands of men attending sessions every Monday evening, alongside online groups.
Taking that first step
I recently attended a Monday evening Andys Man Club session on campus and wanted to share a little of my experience because I think it illustrates the value of these groups.
Walking into a room full of people you’ve never met can feel daunting, particularly when you know the purpose is to talk about how you are feeling. Even deciding to turn up in the first place can be a significant step.
For me, one of the things that stood out happened before I had even entered the room. Someone spotted me by the entrance and came over to welcome me in. I was shown where to go and offered a brew. It was a small gesture, but one that immediately helped me feel more comfortable and made that first step much easier.
I found the group to be a genuinely welcoming and supportive space. There was no pressure to speak, no expectation to explain why I was there and no sense that anyone needed to prove themselves or justify their presence. It was simply a group of men coming together, making time for one another and listening.
You don't have to be struggling to attend
One of the things I think is particularly important about Andys Man Club is that there are no qualifying criteria to attend. You do not need a diagnosis, a referral or to be experiencing a mental health crisis. You do not need to have reached a particular point in your life or even know exactly what you want to talk about.
The sessions follow a simple format, with a series of questions that give everyone an opportunity to reflect on their week, share a positive experience or talk about anything that might be weighing on their mind. A talking ball is passed around to help structure the conversation, but there is absolutely no obligation to speak. You can share as much or as little as you wish or simply sit and listen.
Something else that struck me was that not everyone attending was necessarily there because they were experiencing difficulties themselves. Some men continue to attend because they value the group and want to offer support to others. For others, it has become part of their weekly routine: a chance to pause, reflect, connect with people and set a positive tone for the week ahead.
That is an important distinction. Support is not just something we need when things go wrong. Having somewhere to talk, build connection and make time for our own wellbeing can be valuable at any point in life.
Starting the conversation
We cannot always know what is happening in someone else's life. A colleague who seems fine on the surface might be finding things difficult, while someone who appears to be struggling might not feel ready to talk about it.
But we can make it easier for people to speak, when they feel able to.
Sometimes, starting a conversation means asking someone how they are and making time to listen to the answer. Sometimes, it means being honest about how we are feeling ourselves. And sometimes, it means finding a space where we can simply turn up, have a brew and be around other people without any expectations.
My experience of Andys Man Club reinforced that support does not always need to begin with a big conversation or a significant disclosure. Sometimes, it begins with someone noticing you at the door, welcoming you in and making you a cup of tea.
This November, I encourage colleagues to find out more about Andys Man Club, share its details with someone who might benefit or simply keep the conversation going.
We don’t need to have all the answers to support one another. Often, making the time to listen and helping someone feel comfortable enough to take that first step can make a real difference.
Because it really is okay to talk.
You do not need a diagnosis, a referral or to be experiencing a mental health crisis. You do not need to have reached a particular point in your life or even know exactly what you want to talk about.
Looking for support?
Whether you're struggling, supporting someone else, or simply recognise the value of talking and connecting with others, support is available.
Local and national support
- Mental Health Portsmouth – a starting point for finding mental health support in Portsmouth, connecting people with local NHS and community services.
- Samaritans – available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, for anyone who needs someone to listen.
- SHOUT – a free, confidential 24/7 text messaging service for anyone who is struggling to cope.
- Community Peer Service (provided by Solent Mind) – offers one-to-one and group peer support for adults experiencing mental health difficulties in Portsmouth.
- Andys Man Club – free peer support groups for men aged 18+, including the group held on campus every Monday evening.
University of Portsmouth students
If you are a University of Portsmouth student, additional support is available through the Student Wellbeing. Students can also access the University's free 24/7 Student Helpline, providing immediate emotional support, practical guidance and signposting at any time of day or night.
For more information about student support, visit MyPort.
Andys Man Club
The impact of the work that Andys Man Club does was recently recognised at the Daily Mirror Pride of Britain Awards, where Elaine and Luke, who came up with the idea for the group, received a Special Recognition award, presented by Prime Minister Andy Burnham. His support for the charity goes beyond the ceremony itself. Having attended an Andys Man Club session in Manchester, he has spoken publicly about the importance of its work and revealed that he was still wearing one of the charity’s wristbands when presenting the award. He has also committed to running the Great North Run next year in support of the charity.
This recognition is a powerful reminder of the difference Andys Man Club is making, helping men feel less alone and encouraging them to talk openly about what they are going through.
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Andy was mischievous. Always had been as soon as he could [music] walk. He went to college, got himself a job. He were like a little tough nut, but he had a heart of gold. >> Just a really [music] kind, very caring young man. >> There were no signs. It came completely out of the blue. >> In 2016, Andy Roberts tragically took his own life. He was just 23 years old. >> I got [music] a knock on the door to say they'd found Andrew. I told Luke, I just blurted out, "Our
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Andrew's dead." Don't get any tougher. >> The most challenging bit for us looking back is they [music] didn't tell us about what we were going through. >> Even though you're drowning in your own grief, you don't want anyone else to go through it, and you just [music] want to stop as many as you can, whatever it takes to stop the next family going [music] through it. >> 3 months after losing Andy, Luke and Elaine used their grief [music] to make a difference.
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>> Good evening, everyone, and welcome to Andy's Man Club. >> A place where men could come together, [music] talk openly, and support one another. >> Nine men turned up [music] that first night, and not only did they need to talk, but they needed that connection to know that whatever they were going through in that moment, they weren't the only one. A week after 15 men turned up, and then 20 men and it just never slowed down. >> I'd been through a very dark time in my
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life. I'd lost my car, my job, my house. >> You feel worthless. >> Felt like I wasn't worthy of a place on on this [music] earth, and ended up taking an attempt at me own life. >> This simple idea would have a profound effect. >> Andy's Man Club came just at the right time. >> Something as simple as a hot drink, a smile, [music] and a hug made the heavy stuff feel just a little bit lighter. >> People comforted me and people told me it was okay. >> It felt like a brotherhood.
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>> Completely changed [music] my life. >> And then I wanted to help others as well. >> Without them, without the club, I won't be here. >> And I think it's safe to say [music] without Andy's Man Club, I'd be dead, divorced, or both. >> A decade ago, nine men came together [music] in Halifax. Today, every Monday night, over 7,000 [music] men come together in hundreds of communities across the country. >> There's one common thread that runs [music] through it all. How can we give
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more guys hope and how can we believe getting more guys to believe that tomorrow can be better than today? If you'd have had a chat with someone, [music] maybe you'd still be in a >> I've grown through my grief doing nothing but talk about it. Helping other people helped me. >> I'd like to think we're proud. The amount of guys [music] that come up to me and say, "If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be here." We weren't here for Andrew, but it's the next best thing.
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>> Elaine and Luke have traveled down from Halifax to London to appear on the Peter Crouch Podcast to promote their work across the UK. >> Hey guys, how are you? >> But today's podcast isn't quite as it seems. >> So, this year is the 10-year anniversary. >> As Elaine and Luke share their story, it's time to reveal some unexpected [music] news. >> I have to be honest, you're not just here for a podcast today. We've got a little surprise for you.
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>> You know I could cry. >> Please read it out for us. >> I can't. >> I know. >> It says, "Elaine [music] and Luke, you have won a Pride of Britain award. >> Congratulations. >> I'm never lost for words, but that's done me. >> Gobsmacked. >> I get emotional when people have achieved something amazing and I don't think they've realized quite how many people they've touched. >> It don't feel like 10 years. It feels
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[music] like a fresh day every day. Constantly ignites the fire to stop other families going through what we've been through. >> He'd be immensely proud of what you've achieved in his name. >> That's why this award is so special because that's exactly what they are, the Pride of Britain. >> Go on, bring it in. >> They're making a difference to thousands. It's Elaine Roberts AND LUKE AMBLER. >> [music] [applause] [music] [applause] [music]
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[music] [music] [applause] >> GUYS, ALL RIGHT, HONESTLY GUYS, come into the middle for me. All right. I am I'm so happy for you guys cuz we've met before and you know, I think the work you do is incredible. But, this started with a few guys in Halifax and I feel nowadays so many people I speak to know about Andy's Man Club. Could you ever have dreamed it would be as big as it is? >> No, not at all. I think when we first started, we thought it would be a little coffee club in Halifax where a few guys
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would meet up, have a coffee, have a chat and I think most importantly should be heard. I think when you're struggling with anything in life, you just want to be heard by by other people and accepted and that first night with those nine guys turned up and then week after 15 guys turned up, and it just started to snowball, and I think [snorts] maybe then we thought we were onto something, and it's just never really slowed down. As you've just heard that as we are stood here right now, there'll be
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there'll be over 7,000 men all talking and listening and and connecting with each other. >> Absolutely. And Elaine's it's growing so much. Am I right in thinking that you had your millionth attendance recently? >> We did. Yeah. Who'd have thought we'd >> [applause] [applause] >> Who'd have thought we'd just starting as a little coffee club in Allerton as we know it turn into And that's only recorded millionth as well. So, yeah. God. >> Yeah. And how how proud would Andy be if
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he could see what you guys have achieved? >> I hope he'd be really proud. I mean, when we lost Andrew, there weren't the awareness there is now, and I don't even think Andrew would have gone to an Andy's Man Club. But now, with all the awareness we've created and the way people talk more openly, I would like to think he would have gone now. >> [applause] >> And you talk about men >> [applause] >> men being hesitant to come and walk through the door for the first time.
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What would you say to anybody hearing this who is hesitant to walk through that door for the first time? >> You've nothing to lose. Just give it a go. And it ain't for everybody. >> Mhm. >> But at least if it ain't for you, it's because you know it's not for you, not cuz you think it's not going to be for you. And it's not all gloom and doom, either. It's building a connection and like a brotherhood with each other, and just knowing somebody else
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knows what you're going through, not read it in a book. They know what you're going through. That's the difference. >> [applause] >> And you guys you welcome people with an unbelievable energy. I mean, when we talk about hesitant people, you even have this strategy for people who are in the car park, don't you? And and they're not quite sure whether they're going to come in. >> Yeah, so you saw it first hand, didn't you, down at Southend. Um we have a guy called a sweeper. So,
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it's a guy who's Everyone who's involved in his man club has been a user of the club. So, they've walked through the door themselves with their struggles. They become a facilitator and even a staff member, I think nearly 80% of the staff are guys who walked through the door at some point in their lives. So, they all get it. What a beautiful role in his man club is called the sweeper role and it's a guy who'll stand at the door and he's he's sort of looking out for that guy who's
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doing laps backwards and forwards. That guy who's been sat in his car for a few weeks and he'll just get a little knock on the window and it he'll be from his man club and guy might be a little bit hesitant and he's like, "Come on, we're going in for a brew." And and you know, nine times out of 10 that guy follows him in and you know, the rest is history. >> I love that so so much. [applause] >> You know, we came on Great Dads because of [applause] them great guys down at
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South End and see your hometown, but it could have been any group anywhere in country. And we are indebted to every guy who opens our doors on a Monday. Without them, after we got to our second club, we couldn't have grown without them. >> Yeah. It's about that community and the way it spreads and everybody opening their doors and being involved and you said to me before as well that it isn't just about talking, it's about everybody that also listens as well, isn't it?
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>> Yeah, 100% I think we've got 50% of the population is a man. And all women in this room will know that they want good good men in their lives and those guys that often do struggle to talk cuz sometimes you want to be a safe zone where you just get sat in. I think in a room of 20, 30, 40, 50 guys, you know, there's only one guy speaking when that ball comes round and you've got 15 to 30, 40 other guys just listening to you and accepting you and just having that connection I think.
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As Alan said, it won't always be for everyone, but for those guys that do come and do get that connection, it's it's a beautiful thing and I think what Alan said is poignant that we've been very fortunate to start this through through tragedy, but it's been a bit like a passing a torch on and you know, that that light is getting passed on by our amazing facilitators and all those who support us. We're just the privileged ones to be studying and now accepting this, but in no way do we
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accept it for ourselves. We accept it on behalf of everyone who's ever opened the door, everyone who's ever supported us. It's It's for them, not us, tonight. >> [applause] >> Absolutely. Absolutely. >> Because >> [applause] >> this It's It's bigger than it than just about one person. It's It's about a lot of people. And that goes to the the families of these men, too. It isn't even just about the men that come to Andy's Man Club directly. It's about how
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this indirectly affects their families as well, isn't it? >> It is. And some of our biggest supporters are women. Some guys sort of comment on some of our posts saying, "There's a lot of women on here." As they do. But the women >> [laughter] >> Yeah, but they do. And I don't know what they think we are, but um it's the women that gets the guys. >> [laughter] >> It's the women that get the guys through the doors. Some of them even says, "You
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either turn up at Andy's Man Club or you can pack your bags and bugger off." >> Thank you. One quick one for you. One quick one for you. Um What's it like working with your mother-in-law? >> You've just seen what it's like. It's uh I think uh I think uh the only the only reason I'm willing to accept it today is because of the 10 years I have to put up with her, so >> [laughter] >> um But no, in all seriousness, on the on the event side and and what ladies are
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loading to it, ladies, is we run uh we're 100% donation now. We have events all over the country and it it's a lot of women in Yorkshire, three peaks, Great North Run. And And you see these moms come along or aunties or wives who've lost their loved one. And And I've always said that that as as blessed as we are and you know, to have Andy's name on that um behind us, you know, in Andy Andy's Man Club. Not right behind us, sorry about that. But by Andy's Man Club. Um Andy represents much more than
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Andy Roberts now. It represents everyone's Andy, whether that be your your brother, your son, your uncle, your dad, your mate in pub. Andy Andy's as all. And I think that's what the Man Club represents. >> So inspirational. >> [applause] >> Well, Luke Elaine, presenting your award is a long-time supporter of Andy's Man Club. Please welcome our Prime Minister, Andy Burnham. >> [applause and music] [applause and music] [applause] >> He's checking. He's going to do the
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check on me first. >> Oh, right. >> [laughter] >> You know, he used to wear it when he was mayor of Manchester and we just thought once he got to Prime Minister it might it might not be able to, but he's still wearing Andy's Man Club wristband. >> [applause] >> This is more [applause] than me. I've left them at home. I brought I got a big bag ready to give out to all you lucky people and >> Let the uh let the Prime Minister speak. >> Sorry. >> No, well, it's your night, not mine.
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It's your night. Shall I just say a a little thing? Uh Elaine Luke Um I want you to know something. I will always be a proud supporter. This Andy will always support Andy's Man Club. And the reason I do so so passionately is because over the last decade you've put something at the heart of our communities that wasn't there, but always needed to be there. And it's a space for men to go and to talk without judgement and say things that they probably wouldn't say at home or at work um or
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even in front of the GP. You've given them that space to to do that. And I would just say, Ashley, to anybody watching tonight and struggling there's people there for you. They're ready for you. They've been in the same boat. They're ready to support you. 7:00 p.m. on Monday night at Andy's Man Club. To all the volunteers who are out there and I've met many of them in my own constituency, they're brilliant, aren't they, what they what they do. And we need to thank them tonight, you know, we
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see you and I will back you from my position because it's really important what you do. And I will just say finally to Luke to Elaine you have saved countless lives over the last decade in the name of your beloved son and brother-in-law. And that is why we all salute you and we are proud to present you with this special recognition award this evening. >> [applause] [applause] [applause] >> The work you are doing is so important. One more time, you guys should be so so proud. One more time everyone for Elaine
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Roberts and Luke Ambler. >> [music] [music]